look up


cued by a daily photography prompt, i looked up. i snapped and shared it with the group with the following caption:

day 18 ~ look up :: this morning, walking into the neuro-psychologist appointment with a confused, weary, aging stroked mother.  i cannot begin to tell you how much i needed this prompt. a tiny piece, a perfect piece of beauty in the midst of sickness, survival, caregiving, misunderstanding and confusion.

this photo helped me get through the day as others responded with kind words, appreciation of the picture, similar experiences and compassion.

it reminded me that sometimes it doesn’t take much, sometimes a simple phrase can be helpful.  

an invitation to move from one view to another. a change in perspective.

with life circumstances, it is easy for me to isolate and forget that I am not alone. i have feelings of being pulled up and out, stretched beyond my limits and often i feel like i am drowning in grief and muck and people and expectations and life.

  • look up
  • i’ll call you
  • let’s get together
  • i owe you lunch or dinner or drinks or whatever…..
  • we want to have you come over soon……
  • what can i do to help? (i can’t even find clean underwear….)
  • let’s pray about it… keeping you in prayer…. Trust God
  • you need to keep calling, keep initiating, you know how to call….email….connect
  • everyone loves you, everyone wonders how you are…..
  • make a gratitude list….
  • look around you, look how fortunate you are…..
  • you have to “be there” to be part of a community…..

i’m not even going to keep going with this list that well intentioned, loving friends say. and i believe they are words people sincerely mean. just my experience, no judgement on my part. although i know that even by raising the list to be seen and read, there are people who feel a sense of sharpness from me.

today. right now. i cannot live with “pat” expressions. i can’t answer open ended questions. offerings, that rely on my responsibility to reply, feel empty.

so i am going to write and whine and then i’m going to look up. i am going to do what i can.

because sometimes, the list helps.

2 thoughts on “look up

  1. Thank you for sharing your raw honesty. We need to hear the voice of carers, caring certainly pulls us in all directions. I’m a carer for my father who had a very serious stroke in March, it is tough. Sending love and blessings to you and mom. xxx

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